@KalvinMacleod: A recent study states that people should only shower every 3-4 days. “Stop being an idiot,” said one wife who lives in my house.
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@RexHuppke: Interestingly, if we invade North Korea because it caused us to miss a movie, that still won't be the worst reason we ever went to war.
@kelkulus: Adding "family" to words sucks out all the fun: Vacation? Family vacation. Car? Family car. Movie? Family movie. Affair? Family affair.
@mintchevette: Haven't heard from my boyfriend in 3 days. Trying to start a prayer chain. He blocked me after I set up a wedding website so please RT.
@david8hughes: [first day as a negotiator] Me: release one hostage Terrorist: no Me: release half of one hostage