@KalvinMacleod: A recent study states that people should only shower every 3-4 days. “Stop being an idiot,” said one wife who lives in my house.
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@LosLos__: Interviewer: What is your greatest strength? Me: I have a nap for dealing with conflict. Intvr: Do you mean "knack"? *pulls out pillow*
@P1ssed_K1d: Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels. #circuseverydamnday
@moxieblogger: I use proper syntax and punctuation on all of my tweets, unless I am in danger of exceeding the 140 character limit... & then u no how it b
@SortaBad: I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.