@LosLos__: Interviewer: What is your greatest strength? Me: I have a nap for dealing with conflict. Intvr: Do you mean "knack"? *pulls out pillow*

@P1ssed_K1d: Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels. #circuseverydamnday

@moxieblogger: I use proper syntax and punctuation on all of my tweets, unless I am in danger of exceeding the 140 character limit... & then u no how it b

@SortaBad: I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.

@Ygrene: "Hey nerd, who brings a friggin book to a bar?" *my eyes narrow as I close my worn copy of Advanced Techniques for Winning Barroom Brawls*