@AntDiPalma: A religious family member literally said "Spongebob goes too far sometimes" and I can not stop laughing.
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@chuuew: 911: What's you're emergency? ME: You mean "your"? 911: OK. So..? ME: Someone's murdering me 911: You mean "murdered" ME:.. 911: [dial tone]
@doktorj: A horror movie, but the monster chasing me is my coworker that wants to tell me about her date last night. *twists ankle by the copier
@sarcasticmommy4: M: I'm so glad school started! 12: Can you help me with my math? M: OMG WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!