@Nahdude83: A roasted peanut is a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts.
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@david8hughes: [skydiving with my dog] Me: ur ears r inside out My dog: can't hear u my ears r inside out Me: it's the wind My dog: I think it's the wind
@Darchstar078: My bank called me today to alert me my card was used for a gym membership and they doubted it was legit because they see where I go to eat.
@prufrockluvsong: [returning toothpaste] Yeahhh, this didn't hold my husband's teeth together at all.
@lecalabara: You people that are getting laid regularly either need to keep that stuff to yourselves or be more descriptive.