@gobmentcheese: A romcom where I go to stop you at the airport, except I go to Cinnabon & then forget why I'm at the airport.
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@Jc1Johnny: If a woman wants to date me, she has to meet my strict criteria 1. Hair 2. At least one eye 3. A pulse 4. Not that bothered about 1
@osoplain: I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
@DrDogMD: PATIENT: I've been so stressed out lately. What can I do? DR DOG (tail wagging like crazy): Studies show that petting dogs relieve stress
@markedly: ME: This man's robbing me COP: No he's not M: He was doing it a second ago *puts robber's hand on wallet* come on why aren't you robbing now