@ch000ch: a self-checkout line with 0 mirrors what a joke
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@NurseSeymour: Hooking up with your ex is a great way to reassure yourself that dying alone wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
@PanicRestroom: How to run faster: 1. Drink a lot of water 2. Wait till u have to pee 3. Start running You're welcome
@astutenewf: *boss at staff meeting* Hey, do you have anything positive to add to this meeting? Yeah, I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.