@cravin4: A sex boycott sounds fun and all but have you ever tried marriage?
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@roboticcrab: Adam: Thank you for carrying me a great distance at speeds otherwise unimaginable to me. I shall call you “Horse”. Horse: *getting excited* OooOooo okay thanks! It’s kinda basic, but I like it Adam: and this twisted up sea crouton is also a horse Horse: wait what the frick
@WorkingMom86: *at hostage negotiation class Prof: Let's go around and say why we're here Man: I joined the NYPD Woman: I'm in the FBI Me: I have a toddler
@AngelaLovesNY: Cardinals are fornicating on my porch again! The birds...not the religious robey dudes.
@TheToddWilliams: [cat clinic] CAT: I have insomnia DR. CAT: How bad is it? CAT: I haven't slept in 20 minutes DR. CAT: *is napping*