@birbigs: A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
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@Mikecanrant: Legally, if a woman is wearing hoop earrings that are as big as the side of her face, you are allowed to hurl a basketball at her head.
@NotChuckBarkley: Is Miley Cyrus pregnant? Will The government stay shut down? Will the GTA online servers work? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z
@MelKassel: The woman next to me smells SO good, is it weird if I'm like "What perfume is that, I will literally stop robbing this bank if you tell me"?
@splegge: Put a pill in wife's mouth while asleep "WTF you doing?" "for your headache." "I don't have one!" Just what I wanted to hear! *unzip flys