@UNTRESOR: A shark can sense a drop of blood from 3 miles away, and a mom can sense you're not getting enough to eat from 10,000.
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@SonOfCha: Last night a burglar broke into my house but I quickly popped open a bag of potato chips & hid in all that free space.
@TheTweetOfGod: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, there was a grim recognition of the fundamental uselessness of man's endeavors.
@lawyerthoughts: *throws phone over courthouse metal detector. catches phone on the other side. resumes conversation*
@DurtMcHurtt: Playing dodgeball with kids is harder than it looks cause you have to throw them with both hands.