@sixthformpoet: A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
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@1_swarthy_dude: [texting] HotGirl: Help me ace the Periodic Table test tomorrow? Nerd: Selenium Neodymium Neon Tungsten Darmstadtium HG: ? N: SeNd NeWDs
@Dr_awfulpants: [Spelling Bee] -Your word is phlegm -Can you use it in a sentence? *loudly clears throat for 5 minutes*
@That_Damn_Duck: I bet the women who only tweet about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.
@Steelers1972: A spider just fell from the ceiling and landed right in front of me and now I have to explain why a woman was screaming in my cubicle.