@sixthformpoet: A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
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@Tups13: When people tell me to get my act together I have to explain that this is not an act, I really am this incompetent.
@TheAlexNevil: It's amazing how a simple act of kindness can change my bad mood into a suspicious bad mood.
@tastefactory: Worst Betrayals in History: - Judas turning on Jesus - Brutus helping to murder Caesar - Verizon guy going to work for Sprint
@QuiteQuietOne: Thanks to yesterday's chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
@duplicitron: I choose what country to visit each year by the shape of the first chicken nugget I eat.
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