@sixthformpoet: A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
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@Vodkantots: "We hug and kiss, but people just don't lick each other." -yet another lie I just told my toddler
@RalphSudafed: A manual RT is like saying "Hey check out this guy, but keep looking at my face. Please...don't ever stop looking at my face..."
@better_off_dad: 16: 'We should put a flat screen on the wall!' Wife: 'I really don't like mounting things.' Me: *mumbles 'No shit.' W: 'What was that??'