@HallJ0410: A shower so cold, you call it by your exes name
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@Fred_Delicious: [Lawyer] "I can't stress this enough. You cannot plead that you're a wizard ok?" "ok" [Later in court] "I plead that im a wizard your honor"
@FeelingEuphoric: BOSS: is your make up tattooed on? ME: yeah it's exhausting to have to put it on every single morning BOSS: why a clown though
@MichaelTrying: "I am out of the office. If you need immediate help please contact customer service." "Dude this isn't email I'm standing in front of you."