@ceejoyner: A sign in the window reads CURED MEATS. Inside, a salami takes his first steps since the accident. A prosciutto learns to forgive.
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@weinerdog4life: Last time I did drugs I dated an All-In-One Printer for 3 days, so no thank you.
@KenJennings: "This tweet isn't funny yet. Welp, better remove all the commas and capital letters! Ah, PERFECTION!" --me