@PaperWash: A single text to my mom is like pulling that loose thread on a sweater.
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@joeyhuggles: Wifey is giving me the Silent Treatment for spending the entire night on Twitter. Win/Win, you guys... Win/Win.
@mattZillaaaa: Saw a young couple holding hands today & it reminded me that I need to buy a bottle of vodka
@djdarrellripley: Her: I like dangerous sex, like in a moving car! Me: Have you ever had an accident? Her: No, I'm on the pill. Me: (Sigh)