@PaperWash: A single text to my mom is like pulling that loose thread on a sweater.
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@QuinOShea: When my wife said let's do something fun for our anniversary I had no idea she meant together. I'm a man not a mind reader. I forgive you.
@215potter: Back in my day a "selfie," was something you did with the door locked and a bottle of lotion.
@fakedansavage: Donald Trump has Muslim friends, Rick Santorum has gay friends, Ted Cruz has imaginary friends. #GOPDebate
@Coolhand_Comedy: May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning