@PaperWash: A single text to my mom is like pulling that loose thread on a sweater.
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@AshleyGriffo_: Your fingers have fingertips but your toes don't have toetips, yet you can tiptoe but can't tipfinger
@TequilaTears: Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
@SassyTxGirl83: Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard..... Pillow fight
@NOTVIKING: interviewer: so why do you want to be a driver for UPS me: [thinking about the time they “accidentally” lost my package and how i’m going to “accidentally” lose one of their trucks] the benefits