@PaperWash: A single text to my mom is like pulling that loose thread on a sweater.
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@MelvinofYork: I just told my boss that "STFU" stands for "Sincere Thanks For Understanding" and it's REALLY important that none of you tell him otherwise
@rolldiggity: Dog Walking Business Idea: 1. Train every dog to walk another dog. 2. Put the dogs in a dog walking circle. 3. GO TO A MOVIE!
@cottoncandaddy: I’m gonna go my whole life without knowing my blood type I swear to god. like I’m gonna end up in an ambulance one day and the paramedic’s gonna ask me what my blood type is and my dumbass is gonna be like “idk lol red”
@TheCatWhisprer: No parent wants to see their child grow up and join a cult or a cable news political panel.