@Sickayduh: A sitar solo so complex and mind melting that the one guy who knows what a sitar is claps
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@novicefather: [Personal ad] Seeking hostile female rage rhino to suffocate me with her thighs. Smoker's cough a plus. Oxygen tank required. No crazies.
@FunkyFresh_79: [on a first date] Ok, don't let her know you're really a squirrel... Her: I had a great time, good night! Me: *runs in front of her car
@heyevergreen: if you take a selfie at a dad's funeral, his hand will rise up out of the casket and give you bunny ears
@RealPrincessKim: A couple approaches on the beach. He calls her "Allison." I write, "Marry me, Allison," in the sand and hide. And now we wait.