@bourgeoisalien: A skinny friend told me she's never hungry and just 'forgets to eat', so I drove her out to the woods and left her for dead. Is that wrong?
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@KateWhineHall: Playing mini-golf with your family is a fun way to spend thirty-two dollars to watch your kid throw 18 tantrums in a row.
@zachreinert03: I got fired from being the events coordinator at the local orphanage. I think it's cause family day never really took off
@Cryptoterra: after my son won his soccer game, his teammate invited us over to celebrate. it was father, son, and the goalie host
@LADaddy: [At the stress test, staring at a treadmill] Dr.: Just run at a speed where you can still talk normally. *sits down on a chair* Me: Okay.