@TheToddWilliams: A small child could swim through the veins of a blue whale's heart. Let's make this happen.
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@candace_9871: Boss approaches, I frantically close my google image search of cats hugging, only to show a new window of cats in formal wear. I get fired.
@Ivsy01: Breaking up (be mature, be mature, be mature) Me: (eating chips) you can't use the carpool lane anymore.
@LinajkReturns: Hottest day ever recorded in November and my neighbor is already installing Christmas lights. So don't send me a fruitcake. Already got one.
@tinynietzsche: The five second rule doesn't apply to babies. You can pick them up anytime after dropping.