@dreamthievin: A small part of me is filled with self-loathing for how much pizza I can eat in one sitting. The rest of me is filled with pizza.
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@awkwardphilippe: Wanna go out with me? Make an awkward face for yes. Name the entire periodic table for no.
@TheCatWhisprer: I own a lot of Nike shirts for a guy who just bought a movie on iTunes so he wouldn’t have to get up and get the DVD from the other room.
@SirEvisiae: *pretends to throw ball* *dog runs to chase it* Ha, stupid dog. *dog keeps running, disappears over horizon* Um *dog tackles me from behind*