@dreamthievin: A small part of me is filled with self-loathing for how much pizza I can eat in one sitting. The rest of me is filled with pizza.
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@TheBigBatman: Last year for Christmas I got a sweater, this year I am hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
@JermHimselfish: As you get older, dirty talk turns into "Yeah baby, take that nap. Take all of it honey. You like that couch? Oh yeah, sleep on it..."
@laurenreeves: My friend showed me her new vegan pants. I know vegans can be annoying and everything, but should we really be making pants out of them?
@iGreenMonk: Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.