@dreamthievin: A small part of me is filled with self-loathing for how much pizza I can eat in one sitting. The rest of me is filled with pizza.
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@jeannerbeaner: My signature move is eating a whole bag of something before realizing I don't like it.
@AlsBoy: This woman took her cats to a department store to visit Santa and as you can see it went quite well
@clindsaysway: I like to make a guy feel welcome in the morning by surrounding him with stuffed animals while he sleeps.
@AndyAsAdjective: [break room] coworker: what's for lunch? me: [eating] food, generally cw: no, I mean what are you having? me: an unwanted conversation