@slyoung5: A smile every mile will get you further faster but if that doesn't work, carjacking does.
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@downfront: Scientists discover that Jupiter's moon, Europa, may be suitable for human habitation. When asked to comment Jupiter stated, "Oh, hell no."
@TeaAndCopy: [Knock at door] MAN: Hello I'm here to talk about Jesus Christ!! Sorry, a spider landed on me. I'm here to talk about bondage ME: Do come in
@JasonLastname: LOST DOG: 4 year old border collie. Still living at home but doesn't know what to do with his life.
@OhYeahILied: "I'm not a violent person but people can change", I whisper as someone takes a bite of my food.