@KeetPotato: a snail bet me £1000 he could get home before i could and i didn't really think it thru properly can anybody lend me money?
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@Elizasoul80: I'm gonna hire a person to speak at my funeral and say a bunch of crazy stuff about me so my friends and family think I had a secret life.
@OneFunnyMummy: I'm not afraid I'll yell out the wrong name during sex, I'm afraid I'll yell out the name of the candy bar I'm thinking about.
@TheDailySchmuck: Accidentally pressed the soap dispenser instead of the toothpaste. Mouth feels clean but I don't think I'll be able to curse today. Shucks.