@audipenny: A snake is what happens when a string goes "what if I was alive and had a weird mad looking head"
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@simoncholland: [sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*
@Papa_Mex: The sonogram of your baby looks awesome!* So clear!** And he looks happy!*** *Creepy **Is it a human? ***I think you're having a racoon
@Tmoney68: So, Facebook is celebrating its 10th birthday. What do you buy for the social media app that makes you hate everyone?