@RdrJay47: A social gathering without food is called a "Don't."
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@XplodingUnicorn: [hardware store] Me: Let me do the talking. This is man stuff Wife: Fine Clerk: Can I help you? Me: I need a whacker thingy to hit nails
@OwensDamien: ‘I murder drifters and use their hair to make little dolls. Oh, you meant at work! My biggest weakness is that I’m a perfectionist.’
@aguywithnolife: searching for people who think cologne is spelled colon is my favorite thing to do