@RdrJay47: A social gathering without food is called a "Don't."
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@IslandsJunk: Win a Canadian marathon by putting a door just before the finish line and having them all wait for you to go through first.
@bencoffeehall: Just saw a license plate that said "LUV SLUG." I hope it shrivels up when they salt the roads in the winter.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: It's not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants.