@RdrJay47: A social gathering without food is called a "Don't."
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@tastefactory: [at subway] And just a little lettuce. *the guy starts backing a truck full of lettuce toward my sandwich & the truck is beeping* No wait.
@SouthernStylin1: 9 called to ask how much bleach it takes to get purple ink out of carpet and because she's so cute and at her dad's I went with all of it!
@Brampersandon_: [office meeting] BOSS: Printer ink is costing us a ton. Any ideas on how to cut costs? SQUID: *looks up from phone* Why y'all lookin' at me?