@ceejoyner: A solid knife fighting strategy is to move clockwise in increasingly larger circles until you reach a safe running distance.
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@foodfacenow: *At restaurant trying to impress date* Me: How are these prepared? Waiter: The dinosaur chicken nuggets? In a microwave. Me: Excellent.
@sixfootcandy: Kidnappers: We have your husband. Send us $10,000 if you ever want to see him again. Me: Where I should drop off his clothes?
@Elizasoul80: Unless you've been in Target with more than 1 child, you have no idea what it's like to be a lion tamer.