@SabotagedSmoke: Sorry I romantically ran a seagull feather across your lips.

@jazmasta: Maybe the reason that goats are so angry is because they don't have hands to stroke those magnificent beards with while pondering quandaries

@Midgetspar: If someone ever asks you for advice just reply with "Buy a penguin". Imagine a scenario where that isn't awesome.

@sfreeze6: [on deathbed - calls for son] ".....if you highlight the shit out of a document, people will think you read it....."

@XplodingUnicorn: I had abstinence-only sex education when I was in high school. It was called Dungeons and Dragons.