@JaneEJuanita: A Spanish friend working in UK happily for years reply to taunts re being kicked out: "Well, I can choose 27 other countries; you can't"
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@ericas_twit: Just saw a billboard: $586.25 Complete cremation. 1) Is there partial cremation? 2) What's the 25cents for?
@BuckyIsotope: *spends 30 minutes trying to unzip my pants to have sex for the first time* *girlfriend sighs* "Just take off the mittens" MY HANDS ARE COLD
@longwall26: "Whatcha inventing?" "I call it a picnic. It's a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack." "Can I bring my kids?" "Sure."
@TheMichaelRock: I bet the murder rate is so low in Canada because you have to go 300 miles to find someone to kill.