@salamingia: A speedo is just a man's way of saying "not today girls".
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@djdarrellripley: Me: Sorry, I don't have any alcohol in the house. Her: Oh, you don't drink? Me: No, I drink. I just drink faster than other people...
@HatfieldAnne: Google Maps says it’s a 29 minute walk, but where’s the secret calculation for the long-legged and impatient?
@AnitaHelmet: Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.