@Steelers1972: A spider just fell from the ceiling and landed right in front of me and now I have to explain why a woman was screaming in my cubicle.
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@saucy_peaches: Marriage tips 1. Separate bank accounts 2. Separate bedrooms 3. Separate homes 4. Separate dates w/other ppl 5. 6. Don't get married
@ruinedpicnic: (climbing out of my coffin) I'm sure you all have a lot of questions, but firstly the reason I faked my death is- [nobody is at my funeral]
@truegritrumble: *presses the wrong button on the elevator and the elevator starts filling with water* “Not again.”