@Steelers1972: A spider just fell from the ceiling and landed right in front of me and now I have to explain why a woman was screaming in my cubicle.
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@KeetPotato: [lookin in bushes for our baby] me: where the hell can he be? dog: roof roof roof me: will you shut up [baby waves at the dog from the roof]
@jwoodham: Before I do anything important, I always ask myself "would this gain house points for Gryffindor or lose house points for Gryffindor?"
@liv_thatsme: “Any plans this weekend?” Me: Just some baby seal clubbing. “YOU’RE A MONSTER!” Me: (later that night, having a warm cocoa with some conservationists at the Baby Seal Club) I don’t know why everyone at work hates me.