@sarcasm_inc: [a spider watching soccer when someone kicks a ball into the net] hell yeah, now eat it
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@carlyken: *Walks into school* Simon says give me your Pokemon cards Ok now close your eyes *Walks out* Kids are so dumb I didn't even say Simon says
@SignsofNature: I do not delete bad tweets that get no stars... I let them sit there and think about what they've done...
@RocketRankoon: [picks up date] *slides over hood of car* *slides off car onto another car* *slides off that one onto another car* *date looks at her watch*
@hyperblastchic: Me: Gouda would pair nicely with this merlot! Priest: This is communion... M: Oh. Gouda would taste well with the blood of Chr- P: Leave.