@NicestHippo: A squiggly red line should appear under people who are wrong for you
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@dinnersruined: How to lose a gf: Gf: which of my friends would be the most fun to have a 3some with? Me: *names two of them*
@TheMichaelRock: Being a parent to a teenager is basically like being an unpaid, under appreciated Uber driver.
@QueefTornado: Me: This chicken is undercooked. Wife: You don't appreciate my cooking. Me: I think the vet could save it if it we took it right now.