@TheLesbianTwin: a squirrel buries a nut in my backyard. I think im going to dig it up & replace it with a grilled cheese sandwich, blow its freaking mind!
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@SteveSuckington: Me: Hello darkness my old friend Darkness: please stop calling me that. My name is Susan
@WritingWilkie: The most romantic movie of all time is definitely Pixar's UP. That old man really loved his house.
@Poopy_Pizza_Pal: *grammar police reads ransom note* "Bring the money hear in too days, or she dead" *grammar cop dies* "Damn, he had 2 days until retirement"
@DrawingShadows: Answer: Marijuana Question: Why am I sitting here on the couch eating ice cream with a fork, watching Telemundo and wearing one sock?