@omgthatspunny: A squirrel needs about two pounds of acorns a week to survive. That's nuts!
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@djdarrellripley: Doctor: Open your mouth (inserts tongue depressor) Me: Mmm, this tastes good. Dr: You should have tasted it when the Popcicle was on it!
@Kalarlis: 007 is fired, becomes a scientist. He opens meetings with, "The name's Bond, Hydrogen Bond." Everyone laughs. He cries in the supply closet.
@Brentweets: I hired a person to randomly show up throughout the day and put baskets of bread on my desk.
@Pro_Jones_: Me: Boss our sales are really going updog. Boss: You mean up? Me: No, updog. Boss: What's updog? Me: Not our sales. We're bankrupt.