@omgthatspunny: A squirrel needs about two pounds of acorns a week to survive. That's nuts!
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@carlyken: I leave my vacuum in the middle of the floor at all times so when I have unexpected company I can say I was just about to clean my house.
@stephenjmolloy: Mafia boss: "I want him swimming with the fishes!" *later at the coral reef* Me: "This is amazing!" Mafia boss: "Anything for you."