@_Jkriegs: A street preacher told me that gays cause floods, & my first reaction was to call my friend Ben & ask him what other rad shit he could do
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@Di0nysus7: He asked what I like in bed so I was honest: 1. My dog 2. iPhone 3. Blankets fresh from the dryer 4. Take out
@LizHackett: Go to a suburban neighborhood, find the meanest mom with the biggest glass of white wine, and bring her to negotiate your new car purchase.
@KentWGraham: I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. But then I learned they don’t cross the country and are back home in a few hours.