@salmarch79: A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who's stressing you out.
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@murrman5: [giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda
@thebeckyard: Me: Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your family! Dishonor on your house! Olive Garden server: Please stop! I'll bring more cheese to grate!