@NicCageMatch: A surprise party on someone's birthday isn't surprising. A better time would be 3-4 months after their birthday, in the middle of the night.
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@ruinedpicnic: [catches spider in a glass] spider: omg are you going to drink me? me: oh no this is just to take you outside spider: me: spider: drink me
@mattZillaaaa: So apparently a neighborhood watch is not watching bad stuff happen to your neighbor's home & then taking a nap
@murrman5: ...and tonight's final jeopardy category is Greek Mythology *giant centaur snorts and smiles at the other two contestants*
@TheTalkingPipe: I didn't know how to put this gently so I drew you a picture. That's you. Now, see the guy choking you? That's me.