@causticbob: A survey shows that 20% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house and 80% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife..
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@AnkCoupleTO: Me: [stands under majestic tree watching leaves fall] This is beautiful [2 hours later buried under a mountain of leaves] you piece of shit
@elisemarie91: Remember when parents said "I'll give you something to cry about" & were scared they'd hit us but they destroyed the housing market instead?
@PeachCoffin: I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don't call it Liam then what is even the point of you
@Smethanie: Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we're going.