@causticbob: A survey shows that 20% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house and 80% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife..
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@rockymomax: TRAINER: you know what they say ME: no pain! lo mein! TRAINER: it's "no gain" ME: (eating Chinese food) i like this better
@TheWeirdWorld: The headline “WORLD’S OLDEST PERSON DIES” could also be “WORLD HAS NEW OLDEST PERSON”.
@markleggett: At some point, male "pick-up artists" are just going to start chasing women around like Benny Hill.
@mattZillaaaa: Saw a young couple holding hands today & it reminded me that I need to buy a bottle of vodka