@causticbob: A survey shows that 20% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house and 80% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife..
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@Nikkeya08: Police officer: When's your birthday? Me: (Drunk) um ok thats easy... ten dash four PO: What year? Me: Ugh duh every year
@Douchekevin: When I see babies who breastfeed crying I know it's because they don't have Oreos to go with the milk.
@djdarrellripley: Her: I was robbed! They took EVERYTHING except some wire coat hangers and my Justin Bieber CD. Me: I wonder why they left the hangers?