@lecalabara: A tanning bed is a panini grill for people.
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@NewDadNotes: God: You found the Holy Grail! Me: cool, what does it do? God: drink from the cup and you shall live forever. Me: ew, that sounds awful. pass. God: you don’t want eternal li- Me: I said pass.
@LooseTalks_Girl: When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. That says everything about marriage.
@BoobsRadley: Therapist: resentment is like drinking poison in the vain hope it makes your enemies sick Me: not if I'm banking on them eating my body