@Cheeseboy22: A terrible baby shower game idea is called, "Have a man come in and guess which woman at the shower is pregnant."
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@Sassafrantz: Saw a couple wearing surgical masks in public and all I could think was "what do they know that I don't?"
@WakeVII: Parents: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? Parents: Mom and dad. Me: Mom and dad who? Parents: Exactly, you're adopted son. ;'(
@LoveNLunchmeat: This waitress thinks I just left a really good tip, but actually I'm just really bad at math.
@simoncholland: Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.