@WheelTod: A tropical depression is just like a regular depression. Except instead of being unable to get out of bed, you can't get out of a hammock.
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@SortaBad: You're drunk and trying to outrun the cops on horseback but they eventually catch you because it turns out you're just on a carousel
@SteveSackington: My neighbor gave my kid a whistle today. He is survived by his wife Linda. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to my bail money fund.
@kyry5: Me: *popping out of a giant cake, screaming* "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUT ME IN THERE AFTER YOU BAKED IT"