@dreamthievin: A true Columbus Day sale in a mattress store would mean all the merchandise is infested with smallpox
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@justabloodygame: Damn girl, are you astrophysics? Because I don't know enough about you to finish this joke.
@AbbyHasIssues: Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
@tamytoo2: Actual text from 17 y/o son: kin u com bi nd swoop me? I hope he means hit him with my car, because that's the plan
@Jenn_H_Scott: My 8yo just asked my permission to say "shit" to express his anger, so don't tell me I'm not raising a polite kid.