@salamingia: A U2 album so shitty, even Android won't give it out for free.
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@kristikat7: If I was Snow White you'd never be able to kill me with an apple...you'd have to poison an eclair or something...
@Swishergirl24: The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
@Faux_Ma: Her: "My baby paints with her food because she's artistic." Me: "That or your baby paints with her food because she's a goddamn baby."
@MattElGato: Have you found Jesus? No? Me neither. I think we lost him near the border. God, I hope he's ok. He had like all the cocaine with him.