@salamingia: A U2 album so shitty, even Android won't give it out for free.
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@badbanana: If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy.
@sofarrsogud: ME: *walks in with ball rammed into my mouth* Happeh nuh? JUDGE: Not what a gagging order means! Are you sure you want to defend yourself?
@Jake_Vig: Some people rescued a great white shark that washed up on a beach, just like sharks would do for us if we were carried out into the ocean.
@causticbob: There are 4 stages in life 1)You believe in Santa Claus 2)You don't believe in Santa Claus 3)You are Santa Claus 4)You look like Santa Claus