@Molly_Kats: A Victoria's Secret commercial will always come on when you're elbow deep in a bag of Doritos.
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@Breadery: My daughter: Do you want a kiss daddy? Me: Of course. My daughter: Does it make you sad that no other girls want to kiss you? Me: Thanks.
@NYC_Blonde: Me: One large buttery popcorn please! Him: Ma'am you have to buy a ticket to get into the movies... Me: One large buttery popcorn TO GO SIR
@CoreyKeyz: Valentine's Day makes me realize how single I really am. But I'm still gonna sleep like a baby knowing I'm not getting cheated on.
@HomeProbably: The best thing I ever did was install a fake doorbell. Now no one ever knocks on my door.