@RdrJay47: A virus that wipes out every photo filter across the internet but leaves the photos.
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@TheTweetOfGod: I believe meat is murder, vegetables are burglary, bread is mail fraud and dairy is impersonating a police officer.
@George_404: "Why'd you name me Carson, dad?" You were born in a car. Now go fetch your sister, Hospitaldaughter. It's time for tablemeal.
@capnmcfword: If you can tell from my eye contact at the grocery store that I'm inviting you to race shopping carts, you're my kinda people.
@LuvPug: "So kids, I was married to your mom & I met this girl on Twitter, we started DMing and one thing led to another" -How I Met Your Stepmother