@DCpierson: A warlock cursed me to forever be standing in line behind people trying to remember the name of a movie, and I know exactly what movie it is
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@iGreenMonk: Sometimes you just got to listen to your heart, and my heart is like "listen to your stomach".
@BarebakAssassin: After you're done looking for true love on Twitter, you should go ride a unicorn around Atlantis, then eat some heart-healthy ice cream.
@ShortSleeveSuit: [at Starbucks] Barista: Coffee? Me: Yes, a medium please Coffee: I'm strongly sensing the presence of your great grand aunt Lucille
@EndhooS: "How did you get those scars?" [Flashback to me running into a glass door] They're from Cage fighting.