@DCpierson: A warlock cursed me to forever be standing in line behind people trying to remember the name of a movie, and I know exactly what movie it is
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@slyoung5: You're suppose to wear clean underwear in case you're ever in an accident. I wear a new pair of shoes every day in case a house lands on me.
@ArfMeasures: LEADER: Welcome to Sarcasm Club ME: I thought this was Gullible Club L: No..but we're all SO happy you're here M: That's so nice thanks!
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why was that guy yelling at you? [flashback to me ignoring the "one per customer" sign] me [with a mouthful of cheese samples] No idea
@HatfieldAnne: Needed one cotton ball. Two were left. Took both so one wouldn’t feel lonely. I also have strong feelings about the last two pudding cups.