@_SingleBabyMama: A watched pot never boils. The same is also true if you forget to turn the burner on apparently.
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@Shock_Monster: It's been clinically proven that the most effective form of birth control I can use is: "Just be myself."
@TheRolo: [Gets cut off by a Pruis] *Speeds up to cut off Prius then drops a banana peel behind me* *Prius spins out of control* Thug life.
@vineyille: After dinner the other husbands and I retire to the garage and silently take turns climbing my new ladder.
@iamspacegirl: Ranger Station BOSS: I have reports that you treat the wildlife inappropriately ME: No way *porcupine waddles by w/ kebabs on each quill*