@ch000ch: Me: hi Person who just got back from Europe: It was life changing. thank you for asking

@sammyrhodes: Shaving your beard is a great way to remember what you looked like when you were 5.

@rachelle_mandik: I couldn't remember the term "hazmat suit," so I called it a "science burqa."

@lisaxy424: Passed a gym sign that said “Have those new yoga pants been to yoga yet?” and I feel personally attacked.

@NewDadNotes: [Jeopardy] Me: I’ll take common phrases for $200. Alex Trebek: this comes before the fall. Me: [buzz] what is summer. Alex Trebek: sorry, the answer is pride. Me: no Alex, I’m pretty sure it’s summer.