@13spencer: A wedding is like inviting your family and friends to the dock to watch you leave England on the Titanic.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@PaperWash: me: just tell me I don't die in an Arby's bathroom stall Death: [sadly looking up from his book] look, what matters is how you lived
@2014longview: If you carry a baseball bat in your car, you should carry a glove too. Your lawyer will thank you.
@sarbeaaaar: MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED