@13spencer: A wedding is like inviting your family and friends to the dock to watch you leave England on the Titanic.
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@honeybadgerMel: I wish my ears would visibly lay back like a cats when I'm pissed off so people would know when to leave me the hell alone.
@tpurvis06: Just watched a dog chase its tail for 10 min., thought "damn so easily entertained" then realized I watched a dog chase his tail for 10 min.
@JimmerThatisAll: The most important thing I teach my guitar students is never sing Brown Eyed Girl to a green eyed woman.