@Schmoodles: Apparently, when your boss asks you to get a cake for a coworker's 60th birthday, 'cake' is not code for 'stripper.' Live & learn, guys.

@djdarrellripley: Her: Remind me if I'm ever on life support, not to have you in charge of pulling the plug. Me: Yea, like I could get in front of that line.

@Pigeonlov: I got expelled from school on pajama day. It's not my fault I sleep naked.

@Nikkeya08: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.." Him: Do you have to say that everytime we visit my mom?

@PhilJamesson: [Storm into Octopus Boss' office] I want a raise or I quit! [Octopus Boss is almost done camouflaging against the fern] NOT THIS TIME