@FrauFickenDammt: A white man beaten with a wheel of Parmesan claims it was a hate crime. Cheese on cracker investigation begins.
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@rolldiggity: INTERVIEWER: "How would you describe yourself?" ME: "Verbally, but I've also prepared a dance."
@SteveSuckington: Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
@panmidwest: USPS: if you pay us $8 we'll deliver your package safely ME: k USPS: but if you pay $4 extra for insurance… we PROMISE to deliver it safely