@bigmacher: A wireless bra? They weren't tricky enough, now I need a password?
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@ValeeGrrl: [at son's Little League game] ME: which one's yours OTHER MOM: the pitcher. You? ME: the one performing Lord of the Dance in left field
@LoveNLunchmeat: "Sorry, but none of my clothes fit today." My date nods, and politely avoids looking at my towel and safety pins.
@michaelianblack: Common courtesy: don't bring McDonalds French fries on the plane unless you bring enough for everybody.
@joegoats: Apparently the guy next to me and I aren't even going to discuss who uses this armrest.