@dlsims01: A woman always gets the last word in an argument, because anything a man says after that is the first words in a new argument.
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@briangaar: Watching Home Alone. Did the family not have ANY friends they could call? "Yo we left our 8-year-old alone, can you get him & not call CPS?"
@ReticentTurnip: JOB INTERVIEWER: Talk about a time when a big project of yours didn't work out as you hoped ME: Well I got two English degrees
@Jeffwni: 13yo Jesus: You're not my real dad! I HATE YOU! Joseph: One of these days boy, I'll— [distant thunder] I'll do nothing. Absolutely nothing.