@YesImMatt: A woman could tweet "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I'm not dead ;)"
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@EliseRose5: When someone says, "Good luck with that'' they actually mean "Let me grab some popcorn so I can watch you fail."
@KateWhineHall: I don't care what anybody says, my six hours of Black Friday shopping saved me at least $7.50.
@TheHyyyype: [first day as a detective] ME: omg nothing but his skeleton is left! OTHER DETECTIVE: this is a halloween store. the dead guy's over there