@YesImMatt: A woman could tweet "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I'm not dead ;)"
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@shutupmikeginn: Like my therapist always says, "I'm not your therapist, you're just laying on a couch in Ikea"
@BriarSlyMalice: HIM: My new girlfriend's name is "Bella". That means "Beautiful" in Italian. ME: It also means "War" in Latin...so good luck with that.