@YesImMatt: A woman could tweet "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I'm not dead ;)"
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@KevinFarzad: Fellas, here's a flirting tip: If a girl plays with her hair while taking to you, it means she has lice and you should stay away from her.
@internetluke: [Joseph checking in to hotel] "Is there WiFi?" Only in the stable *later to Virgin Mary* "Honey, hotel was booked. Gotta stay in the stable"
@WigCannon: your call is important to us. like, super important. we all bought new outfits for this call. dave is wearing a wig
@Arr: The reason cats are so pissy is they're God's perfect killing machines but they only weigh 8lbs and we keep picking them up and kissing them