@KentWGraham: A woman saying "I'm not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won’t feel a thing."
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@JB4Realz: [Marriage Counseling] Wife: He's always messing up even the simplest phrases. Me: I THOUGHT we were gonna keep that on the download...
@AbrasiveGhost: God: I call it a Caterpillar Angel: What is it? God: A worm with feet Angel: You're really out of ideas huh? God: Then it grows wings
@mysteryteacher: Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan have a fight to the death. Who will win? Everybody.
@KingRainhead: Girl: I want bangs Me: I want a stylist to get my hair as close to antlers as possible. Make me look like a young prince of the wooded glen