@RobinMcCauley: A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.
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@edgarrants: I wish my wife's milkshakes brought the boys to the yard. I need someone to rake the leaves.
@matt_simpson84: My wife and I have an ongoing game called "Wipe Boogers on Stuff in the House" that she doesn't know we are playing
@Overdue_Bills: She was like "wrong hole", so I said "adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn't knitting quilts Velma", long story short I'm still single.
@christinaloca: Me: I’m an atheist. Nothing is on purpose. Nihilism 4eva Also me: *sees my birthday numbers anywhere* this is a sign.