@RobinMcCauley: A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.
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@dihorla: I'm dreaming of getting rich like my father. Wow your dad must be a rich man. No, he too is dreaming of getting rich.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: I got pizza sauce on my mouse. I need a new one. IT DEPARTMENT: You should just be able to wipe it off. ME: Too late, I ate it.
@justabloodygame: Damn girl, are you astrophysics? Because I don't know enough about you to finish this joke.
@2tickytacky: When someone yells "Fire!" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep