@GloriaFallon123: A woman told me at dinner she liked me because I'm "not afraid to eat bread"--so I'm done with socializing for at least a year thanks
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@Mikel_Jollett: Instagram: My life is a party. Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We're all going to die.
@TomTheWicked: Daughter: why does that guy with the whistle keep interrupting the football game? Me: because mommy isn't there to do it.