@GloriaFallon123: A woman told me at dinner she liked me because I'm "not afraid to eat bread"--so I'm done with socializing for at least a year thanks
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@GrantTanaka: I've been in Hawaii for a week & have learned that 99% of life's problems can be solved by throwing a coconut at it
@LoveNLunchmeat: Canadian Psycho, but it's just a businessman walking around with a chainsaw, apologizing profusely
@jilleb163: Sometimes I think I should introduce myself to my neighbors just so they don't describe me to the police as "Quiet and keeps to herself."
@Shut_up_Marissa: In sign language, the story of my life can be told through a series of facepalms.